beyoncesasshole
iwantyoudownonallfours
  1. The boy who takes your virginity is only going to love you long enough for you to stay in his bed.
  2. Your first job is never the best job. But you’ll meet some of your best friends there.
  3. Sometimes things don’t go the way you expect them to at all.
  4. People are usually never who they say they are.
  5. If you love someone, you need to tell them. Nobody is good at the guessing game.
  6. If your best friends don’t like the boy you’re involving yourself with, chances are he’s bad news.
  7. If a boy starts an invitation with, “Are you home alone”/”I’ll be home alone”, say no. You are a human being, not a toy to be played with.
  8. If some boy invites you to “the backseat of his truck”, he’s a piece of shit. Tell him to fuck himself.
  9. “Sorry” doesn’t always fix what you messed up.
  10. Stop wasting time wishing you could take back what you already did.
  11. You are at fault sometimes.
  12. There’s going to be a boy that you let get away. Yes, you loved him. It’s for the best, though.
  13. Toxic people hardly ever start off toxic.
  14. It’s always nice to make new friends, but never forget who your real friends are.
  15. Never lose the friends that would answer their phone at 3am if you called
  16. Never lose sight of who you are because of a boy.
16 Things I Learned While Being 16 (via dizzyhemmings)
jakesjohnson

NEW GIRL: A Masterpost 
After a bad break-up, Jess needs a new place to live. An online search leads her to a great loft… and three single guys she’s never met before. Nick, a law school dropout turned bartender, is the most grounded… and the most jaded. Schmidt is a hustling young professional who’s pretty proud of his own abs. Winston, is an intensely competitive former athlete who doesn’t know what to do next. Rounding out the group is Jess’ childhood best friend, Cece, a model with a killer deadpan. The fivesome realize they need each other more than they thought they would and end up forming a charmingly dysfunctional – or strangely functional – family.
Season One:
Pilot
Kryptonite
Wedding
Naked
Cece Crashes
Thanksgiving
Bells
Bad in Bed
The 23rd
The Story of the 50
Jess and Julia
The Landlord
Valentine’s Day
Bully
Injured
Control
Fancyman, Pt. 1
Fancyman, Pt. 2
Secrets
Normal
Kids
Tomatoes
Backslide
See Ya
Season Two:Re-Launch
Katie
Fluffer
Neighbors
Models
Halloween
Menzies
Parents
Eggs
Bathtub
Santa
Cabin
A Father’s Love
Pepperwood
Cooler
Table 34
Parking Spot
TinFinity
Quick Hardening Caulk
Chicago
First Date
Bachelorette Party
Virgins
Winston’s Birthday, Pt. 1
Elaine’s Big Day
Season Three:
All In
Nerd
Double Date
The Captain
The Box
Keaton
Coach
Menus
Longest Night Ever
Thanksgiving III
Clavado En un Bar
Basketsball
Birthday
Prince
Exes
Sister
Sister II
Sister III
Fired Up
Mars Landing
Big News
Dance
Cruise

NEW GIRL: A Masterpost

After a bad break-up, Jess needs a new place to live. An online search leads her to a great loft… and three single guys she’s never met before. Nick, a law school dropout turned bartender, is the most grounded… and the most jaded. Schmidt is a hustling young professional who’s pretty proud of his own abs. Winston, is an intensely competitive former athlete who doesn’t know what to do next. Rounding out the group is Jess’ childhood best friend, Cece, a model with a killer deadpan. The fivesome realize they need each other more than they thought they would and end up forming a charmingly dysfunctional – or strangely functional – family.

Season One:

  1. Pilot
  2. Kryptonite
  3. Wedding
  4. Naked
  5. Cece Crashes
  6. Thanksgiving
  7. Bells
  8. Bad in Bed
  9. The 23rd
  10. The Story of the 50
  11. Jess and Julia
  12. The Landlord
  13. Valentine’s Day
  14. Bully
  15. Injured
  16. Control
  17. Fancyman, Pt. 1
  18. Fancyman, Pt. 2
  19. Secrets
  20. Normal
  21. Kids
  22. Tomatoes
  23. Backslide
  24. See Ya